Working the Afternoon Shift

It is election day +1, 2008. The mood in AZ is a mixed bag. Those who supported McCain are, for the most part, morose and a bit vocal (while I waited in line at Safeway this morning to purchase my bagel, the septuagenarian ahead of me said to the cashier, “Country’s going to Hell”). Those who supported Obama are going about their business with maybe a little spring in their step. AZ went red (again), so there’s your compromise – at least McCain won his home turf. It might not have been the overall victory they were hoping for, but keeping AZ crimson is certainly something conservative desert dwellers can hold onto.

Concessions
I have to agree with my friend, Queleen, who writes, “Given the classiness of [McCain’s] concession speech last night, I was glad he wasn’t at least humiliated by losing his home state.” McCain’s final speech in his almost two-year campaign was sincere, graceful, dignified and, I thought, heartfelt. I really believe he meant what he said. He didn’t come off like the snarky stumping politician anymore. His words weren’t forced or edgy or slighting in any way – like his entire campaign. Yes, he looked like a man defeated, but he also showed that he will move forward and will support our new president. It’s obvious how much he loves his country and if anyone needed any further proof to that effect, last night’s concession speech sealed the deal. Were he to lose AZ, I might have felt bad for him. Here’s to McCain and his crew for a battle well fought.

Highways
Driving into work, I slid in behind a yellow Toyota FJ Cruiser sporting an NRA bumper sticker, a license plate reading “2NDAMNDT” and a piece of 8 x 11 paper with tiny red words on it. It was hard to make out anything past the first line, which read, “Obama = crap!!!!” I could at least tell whom he did NOT vote for. His driving was too slow for my likes, so I pulled past him. Inside the FJ was a corpulent gent in his mid-to-late 40s, sucking on the edge of his insulated coffee cup. He looked cool and calm until he noticed me and shot me the dirtiest look. Fully comprehending this chap’s affinity for firearms, I gunned it and left him and his bad day somewhere behind me on the 202. I had a thought as I left him in the dust: were I the type to slap political bumper stickers on my vehicle, would I be dodging that guy’s lead spray? Frightening.

And so it goes.

B.O.?
I have to wonder, especially in this culture of acronyms, and seeing as we tend to acronymize or shorten our leaders’ names (FDR, LBJ, JFK, Ike, W., etc…) primarily because it saves the media a few letters when they’re writing headlines – how do we handle President-elect Obama’s “acroname?” Are we now allowed to acknowledge his middle name, Hussein? Because otherwise we’re left with “B.O.,” evoking poor hygiene status. I don’t think that’s a great idea, and it’s certainly not befitting a man of Obama’s new stature. So maybe we could stick with “BHO?”

GOP’s Future
As they replayed the moment she walked off the stage, smiling but deflated, a local TV commentator noted that Sarah Palin is the new face of the GOP. Seriously? I mean, I really enjoyed SNL’s portayal of her (solid humor, Tina, solid), but Palin (vast inexperience and all) seems to have had a rather deleterious effect on McCain’s campaign. However, it also seems like she wants to run in 2012. If it’s true that she’s the new face of the GOP, I really hope they start teaching her about the position she’s gunning for (The account of her telling eight-year-olds that as Veep, she’d be in charge of the Senate is classically laughable). If they can’t teach her, maybe they can find a better candidate. Right… and maybe in the next four years Palin will find the time to read up on the Bush Doctrine too. It’ll be interesting to see what she does, but in four years, if she aims to do what we all think she’s gonna do, the jokes on SNL won’t be as cute. By that time they’ll just be sad.

Propositions
When my wife and I went to the polls, we had to bring a cheat sheet with us. I even found myself tapping her on the shoulder to ask, “WTF was this prop all about again?” I understand the formality of politics and the necessity of certain legal terminology, but for crying out loud, I’m a really intelligent guy but even I couldn’t understand the wording of more than half of the propositions I was to vote on! “A ‘yes’ vote means you support that which does not support supporting supporters in an area which supports supporting those who support supporters who support supporting supporters who supported that which was supported in court of June 2007.” WHAT?! The cheat sheet came in handy, but maybe, for future elections, we could turn the jargon down a bit?

Ads
I always feel a little empty the day after an election when I turn on the TV and the only advertisements I see are for cars or beer or erectile dysfunction pills. I kinda miss the pandering, mudslinging ads that rape the airwaves during election season. I enjoy them because they’re asking me to take part in something that really doesn’t cost me anything (directly). I don’t have to buy their product to vote for them, I just have to agree or disagree with their messages… and that’s EASY! All they want is my vote given freely. Granted, I have my own thoughts and utopian ideals, and, for the most part, no advertisement is going to sway my vote… but the entertainment value of these ad spots, which help force me to see through the bullshit is priceless.

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